Words of WisdomHow to Survive Your In-LawsAugust 2007  You have made it a point to ask the real truth about how to handle your in-laws. I get asked this question more than most when clearing family or spousal issues. Some of our marital issues come from the in-laws medaling in your affairs with your spouse, kids, home and career. Does it sound familiar when you are invited to your in-laws for a family vacation only to come home and feel more stressed then when you left? Then you spend the next few days or weeks fighting with your spouse about the goings on while on that vacation. You view it as the vacation from hell and your spouse says you are over exaggerating. So how do you survive your in-laws? Here are some tips and tricks on how to do this. These may not stop the interference, however, it may give you some peace of mind when having to spend time with them and help you not to react. 1. Always show respect to your spouse - this is whether you are the spouse with the parents or the spouse with the in-laws. The minute you give someone else power to cause conflict in your relationship you have opened the door to numerous battles that can cause damage to your relationship. If you are the spouse with the parents, be sure to open your eyes to the criticism and comments and set some boundaries with you parents. The one person that may be able to stop the interference is you!! You hold the most weight with your own family and you need to show your family and your spouse that you are behind your spouse all the way. There is nothing worse then taking your family's side against your spouse, this is a breach of emotional trust. 2. Set some boundaries - if your in-laws are making comments that are condescending or they are interfering with your relationship, you need to share your concerns with your spouse. If your spouse does not see or hear what is happening, set up a code word or a certain touch you can give to him/her to make them aware that it is happening again, this will help to become more consciously aware. When your spouse does hear the comments, it is then up to him/her to set a boundary and stick up for you in front of them. Something simple might sound like this: "Mom, I feel it is not appropriate to speak to my wife/husband in that manner, please refrain from comments regarding our children's discipline!" 3. Never compare families - it is never helpful to compare our families. We are all raised differently and we all have our little quirks. Thinking your family is better than our spouses' is very disrespectful. You are then, putting him down too, aren't you? 4. Be polite - when in the presence of your in-laws, be polite. It never hurts to show generosity and compassion for people that think differently then we do. Remember that each era is a different time and the world is different now too. Putting yourself in some else's model of the world could give you a different perspective on things. What type of family life did they come from, why do they do the things they do? Try to understand them, even if they don't understand you! Remember that our differences' is what makes us human and one of the most special things about being human is our differences. I will quote my brother in-law when I end this article by saying "Differences' are not be fought about, they are to be accepted and respected."   |
|---|
